And now the shipping forecast issued by the Met Office, on behalf of the Maritime and Coastguard Agency, at 11:05 today, Wednesday, 31 December 2031.
There are warnings of gales in all areas except Southeast Iceland.
The general synopsis at 1800.
Low Finisterre, 972, losing identity, expected to clear and become FitzRoy by 1800 Thursday.
The area forecasts for the next 24 hours.
Viking, North Utsire, South Utsire.
Wind direction and force: cyclonic 7 to severe gale 9, becoming northwesterly later; occasionally storm 10 in Viking. Sea forecast, rough or very rough. Weather, wintry showers. Visibility, moderate, occasionally poor.
Fisher, Forties, Cromarty, Forth.
Cyclonic 7 to northwest gale 8; occasionally severe gale 9 in Forties and Fisher, becoming northwest 4 to 6. Rough. Wintry showers. Moderate, occasionally good.
Tyne, Dogger.
Southwest gale 9, veering northwest to storm 10, increasing to violent storm 11 in Dogger. Earthquakes expected, rough or very rough in Dogger, leading to the return of ancient lands from the sea. Escalating outcomes likely. Lost civilization emerges, the fish people beginning moderate, increasing to rough later as traveling west to Tyne. Thundery rain. Poor, occasionally moderate.
Humber, German Bight.
Southeast veering southwest 5 or 6, occasionally gale 7 in German Bight. Ghost ships emerge in wintry showers, stirred from the seabed by earthquakes to the north. Expected German, possible British. Light to moderate naval engagement expected. Incorporeal, unknown effects on the living. Later showers. Moderate.
Thames, Dover, Wight.
Southwest 6 to gale 8, occasionally severe gale 9 in Wight, becoming cyclonic 4 to 6, occasionally 7 in Wight. As the world untethers from reality, moderate to severe distortion in time, leading to invasions from Normans, Saxons, and Romans in Dover; possible Vikings in Thames. High likelihood of property damage and loss of prevailing cultural norms. Squally showers. Good, occasionally poor.
Portland, Plymouth.
Cyclonic 7 to severe gale 9, becoming southwesterly storm 10 in Plymouth later. Moderate to severe increase in smugglers, wreckers, and witches, and very rough in Plymouth as Aunt Morovren prowls the coast with a ship made of light. Do not engage, do not move closer. Keep distance. Thundery rain. Poor, occasionally misleading.
Biscay.
Gale 8 increasing to severe gale 9 later, perhaps storm 10. Rough or very rough, the waves becoming the ships of the Battle of Les Sables-d’Olonne. Moderate chance of engagement, high chance of vanishing into the sea without alarm. Squally showers. Moderate, occasionally good, occasionally seawater.
Trafalgar.
North or northwest 5 to cyclonic 7, occasionally gale 8 later. Allegiance to shift as sea pledges itself to Spanish jurisdiction and retreats south to southwest, empty plains to stand guard against all trading vessels. Showers. Good, unless British, then poor.
FitzRoy.
West 4 to 6, increasing cyclonic 7, perhaps gale 8 soon. Moderate siren inhabitation, possibly high later. Women shall bathe upon rocks that do not exist and sing sweet songs of comfort and home. Men shall emerge from the waves with honeyed poems of valor and honor on their lips. Very rough if seduced. Showers. Good, so very, very good.
Sole.
West veering northwest 6 to gale 8. Delicious. Good with seasoning.
Lundy, Irish Sea.
West veering northwest cyclonic 7 to gale 8, occasionally gale 9 later. Moderate to high chance of the fey in Irish Sea, beware ships offering gifts and lighthouse keepers with strong senses of hospitality. The magick of old shall leak out into the earth once more and all ancient spells of defenses will fail as the world is undone. Moderate singing, rough trickery. Probable good, occasionally poor; possibly moderate, definite fey.
Fastnet, Shannon.
West 5 to 7 for a time, veering northwest gale 8 later, perhaps severe gale 9 to storm 10 in Shannon. As the ancient faerie magick returns to the lands and seas, increasing release of banshees; swarming behavior expected. In their screams, they will carry the remains of grudges remembered and forgotten. Expect resentment, sorrow, and a bittersweet nostalgia for times gone and opportunities missed. Good, but occasionally deafening.
Rockall.
Northwest 7 to gale 9, occasionally storm 10 or possible violent storm 11, decreasing to 5 to 7 later. Rough or very rough as the seas boil and the great behemoth emerges from the sea, carrying on its back the head of a god and at its sides a thousand limbs. Thundery showers and marauding tentacles. Moderate, later poor.
Malin, Hebrides.
Gale 8,; increasing to severe gale 9 later in Hebrides, decreasing to west 5 to 7 in Malin. Rough or very rough as awoken giants feeling the tremor of a dying world revert to old behaviors and are consumed in battle across the coastline; particularly rough in Hebrides when Benandonner is thrown down into the sea, fatally wounded in battle. Despairing showers. Good, occasionally rocky.
Bailey.
Northerly 7, gale 8 to severe gale 9 expected soon, decreasing to 5 to 7 later. Rough as Hy-Brasil appears on the horizon for one day every seven years. Expected wishes available to those who make landfall. Caution advised as wishes turn increasingly rough. Showers. Good now, invisible soon.
Fair Isle, Faeroes.
Gale, occasionally severe gale 9 in Fair Isles, veering northwest to violent storm 11 or possible hurricane force 12. The seas will be filled with the souls of Valhalla in Fair Isles, pursued by all-encompassing snake. Light to moderate risk of wolf. Later, sun will be consumed in Faeroes, as snake crosses cultural norms and finds increased low pressure from the south, the world to be consumed in darkness. Moderate chance of solar barges disrupting snake; full outcome unknown. Moderate, occasionally good. If poor, then the world is ended.
Southeast Iceland.
Northerly 4 to 6, decreasing to 3 to 5 in west. Moderate, later calm as new dawn emerges. Fine. Good. Light icing.
Edited by a Fallon Clark and Sophie Gorjance.
James Rowland is a New Zealand-based, British-born writer. His work has previously appeared at Strange Horizons, Aurealis, and Compelling Science Fiction. When he's not moonlighting as a writer of magical, strange or futuristic stories, he works as an intellectual property lawyer. Besides writing, he enjoys travel, photography, reading, and the most inexplicable and greatest of all sports: cricket. You can find more of his work at his website https://www.jamesrowland.net/