Have you been filtering your language?
No, I’m not talking about stopping yourself from using certain words or phrases around grandma. I’m talking about using sensory filters in your writing where they need not be. Of course, you want your reader to have an immersive reading experience, and using all the senses to make the story come alive is the goal. But the way you introduce and wield sensory details is important for keeping the reader right where you want them to be.
What is sensory filtering?
Think about folks who pan for gold, the special sifting plates they use that allow grains of sand or silt to be taken away so that nothing but the gold, the prize, remains. When you use sensory filters in your fiction writing, something is lost, too. But rather than leaving you with nothing but gold, filtering inadvertently takes away the gold, the reader’s ability to immerse themself in the story.
Filtering tells a reader that a character hears, sees, smells, tastes, touches, notices, realizes, recognizes, or feels something. These “filter” verbs remind the reader that they are being told to through an observing consciousness rather than experiencing the story world for themself, which breaks character especially when writing in first-person and third-person points of view. Filtering separates the reader from the immediacy of the experience and disallows full immersion in the character’s journey.
Here’s an example plucked from my gray matter:
Molly noticed the box of candies atop her mother’s writing desk, and she wondered how much trouble she would get into if she opened the box before her mother arrived. She felt the weight of guilt at her longing for sweet treats at a time of scarcity but heard her stomach rumble in anticipation. Then, she recalled the last untimely indulgence and felt herself shudder at the prospect of upsetting her father. She had seen how spittle flew from his mouth in times of high passion, and she did not desire his vitriol to be directed at her.
The passage requires the reader to work to get through it. It is cluttered; the sensory experience is being done to the character rather than being experienced organically by the character. In overly cluttered passages with stark sensory detail, readers tend to skim. And when readers skim, they may miss crucial information. Worse, readers may miss your message. In the worst cases, they give up because reading is not enjoyable. But the passage can be tightened by removing filter verbs and getting the reader closer to the character’s experience:
The box of candies sat atop her mother’s writing desk. Molly would be in trouble if she opened the box before her mother arrived, and the guilt of anticipation ate away at her despite the rumble in her stomach. The last time she indulged in a sweet treat set aside for her mother, her father had become upset, and spittle flew from his mouth in the vitriol he directed at Molly.
The detail of the passage remains intact, but there is more immersion for the reader. And by de-cluttering the passage, removing 27 unnecessary words, nearly an entire line of text, in the process, the pace of the reading remains steady, carries the reader through.
However, filtering is a stylistic choice; it is neither wrong nor right, and there are some reasons to retain sensory filters in your writing.
Use sensory filters for texture
When used intentionally and sparingly, filter verbs have a layering effect and may serve to enrich a novel. Removing all filter verbs can be a fun writing exercise, but it isn’t always practical when applied to a whole book.
When analyzing your filters to evaluate whether they should stay or go, here are some things to consider:
- When your writing could use an altered mood, use filter verbs to subtly change the emotional landscape to make it more deliberate or investigative.
- When your narrative style is heavy, or the scene is emotionally taxing for the reader, use a bit of filtering to give the reader a small mental break.
- When the reader needs to know that a specific character realizes, watches, thinks, or feels something, use filter verbs for clarity.
- When developing a dialogue style or character personality, use filter verbs to set up a character’s unique voice.
Let’s go back to Molly and the box of candies to play with the number of filters in the original. Here’s a pared down version of the passage that removes all but one filter:
Molly noticed the box of candies atop her mother’s writing desk, and she knew she would be in trouble if she opened the box before her mother arrived. The guilt of anticipation ate away at her despite the rumble in her stomach. The last time she indulged in a sweet treat set aside for her mother, her father had become upset, and spittle flew from his mouth in the vitriol he directed at Molly.
Leaving “noticed” in place reminds the reader that this box of candies is an atypical addition to the scene. Perhaps Molly doesn’t chance upon sweet treats often. The excitement of seeing such an item is more pronounced, and readers feel her anticipation or, minimally, are clued into it. The filter verb adds a layer to the narrative that would not otherwise exist. When considering whether to use a filter, ask yourself whether the thing being filtered is new, atypical, or otherwise needs to be specifically called out and highlighted in the text. If the answer is yes, try on a filter, see how it feels and reads. If not, de-clutter your passage by removing filters and tightening up your language.
Tighten your narrative by removing most filters
Filter verbs add to a novel’s word count and change the mood and immersion of the work as a whole. To tighten your novel and provide an immersive reading experience, look carefully at the filter verbs you use and determine whether cutting some of those filters may enhance your writing.
You’ll know you have improved your writing by removing a filter word if the passage feels more dramatic and immersive. However, if your story loses context, meaning, intention, or mood, reintroduce filters judiciously until you achieve the effect you desire for your reader.
How do you use sensory filters in your writing? Let me know in the comments. And don’t forget to let me know what topics you’d like me to cover in the future.
Happy writing!
♥ Fal
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Fallon Clark is the book pal who helps you tell your story in your words and voice using editorial, coaching, writing, and project management expertise for revision assistance, one-on-one guidance, and ghostwriting for development. Her writing has been published in Flash Fiction Magazine. Check out her website, FallonClark.com, or connect with her on LinkedIn or Substack.